Posted on 10-02-2021 by admin
Children and their tantrums are legendary, as any parent with a wailing child in a supermarket would tell you. When it comes to handling temper tantrums in children, parents seem to be divided into two main approaches: giving in and ignoring. When it comes to parenting, there are many schools of thought but anger management in children is often a tricky subject to approach.
How young is too young for a child to be disciplined? And how can parents resolve childhood tantrums that often test their patience? Most importantly, how to choose an approach that will help a child develop and grow up to be a sensible, even tempered adult one day?
Anger is a signal emotion. It usually mobilizes a response to danger, but it’s also a form of self-expression and sometimes a child’s way of declaring independence. Many things can trigger a child’s anger, and sometimes the result is aggression. As children reach kindergarten age, anger doesn’t usually explode into aggression because they’ve learned to hold back such impulsive urges. Over time, as children reach school age, parents can expect more subtle forms of aggression: pouting, sulking, and whining.
Children aged three to five perceive danger even when it is not present and overreact to it. Therefore, they seek protection by going on the offensive. At this stage, impulses are hard to control, and the ability to stop, listen to the other side, and seek out common ground for negotiation and compromise is barely a glimmer.
It may seem obvious to adults, but a young child needs to learn that anger is the name she can attach to certain feelings and the physical sensations that come with anger: a pounding heart, heavy breathing, and a feeling of getting warm.
You can help your child in the heat of the moment by acknowledging and naming the emotion: “I can see that you are angry right now.” She also needs your help in recognizing the triggers that set off these feelings, such as another child grabbing a toy or threatening to hurt her; an adult thwarting her exciting plans or seeming to punish unjustly; or her failing to reach some new goal she has set.
Over time, with your help, she’ll realize that these are the kinds of situations that make her want to scream and kick.
Children learn best by example. Your child closely watches your grown-up ways of handling anger, and she learns from them. Letting your child know that you’re angry about something she has done is one way to show her the consequences of her actions. When you’re angry with others, you can show her how to recognize that feeling, stop the impulse to lash out, and look for constructive solutions. When you fail at your attempts to defuse your own anger, you can admit your mistake and demonstrate humility.
Asking your child to stifle such powerful feelings won’t work: The anger will dribble into unrelated situations, lead to explosions later on, or fester until it turns inward. A key to helping your child manage anger is getting her to question whether aggression really gets her what she wants.
It is never too soon to teach your child how to control her anger so that it doesn’t control her. Remember, however, that it is difficult for young children to master these strategies. Your child will need your help and a lot of practice:
If your child is feeling out of control, she should be separated from the person she feels like hurting. She should leave the room..
Teach your child to use some calming strategies when she feels the physical symptoms of anger. She can try taking deep breaths, drinking a glass of water, distracting herself with a song or a story, or playing alone.
Encourage your child to ask herself, “What do I want to happen?” Explain that vengeance and retaliation are not worth acting on. Being understood and making things right are worthwhile.
Children can begin to show empathy as young as three years old, but they need your help. Try to get her to understand the other person’s point of view, just as she wants her point of view understood. See if your child can figure out why the other person doesn’t understand her side. Could she find another way to get her view across more clearly? Can she try to let it go?
Help your child see beyond “I hate you and you’re no good.” See if you can find a compromise that both parties can agree on. Apologizing often helps.
Of course, there will be times when anger turns into a physical melee — especially between two siblings. Use this as an opportunity to help your children master these aggressive feelings. Here’s what you can do to facilitate anger management for children:
It’s often necessary to isolate the fighters. Reassure both sides that they’ll be safe, and that they can learn to stay in control and protect themselves.
Lay down the law and let children know who’s in charge when they’re out of control: “No hitting, and if you won’t stop it, I will.”
A child must face the consequences of his actions if he is to learn to stop and think before he acts. “If you can’t be together without hurting each other, then you can’t be together. If you want another chance to play, see if you can remember this.”
Children need to know that their bad behavior hasn’t turned them into bad people. Apologies and making amends help them move from the guilty feelings that come from knowing they were wrong to having hope that they can do better.
A child may seem irritable most of the time, easily set off and ready to start a fight. If this type of behavior is brief, it may be a response to a major change in the family, such as a new baby or a move. Or it may be the first sign of a “touchpoint,” a time when a child slips back into old, outgrown behaviors just as she’s about to blossom in new ways. When this behavior persists and interferes with relationships with family or friends, it is time to consider more serious possible causes: ongoing threats to a child’s safety, deeper tensions in the family, a developmental delay in language that leads to frustration, or a delay in social skills that brings on fighting or depression.
If you’re concerned about your child’s anger, ask your pediatrician for help with anger management for children. Otherwise, if your child requires special attention, you can get in touch with us by filling out this contact form. Our representative will get in touch with you soon to make an appointment with you and your child.